The Red Pen Lady

I've learned to cry silent tear
so no one hears
the anguish and fear that roar inside my heart.
My silent tears roll softly down
my face warm with sadness
as I suppress my sobs.

Can't you see the weariness in my eyes from the endless nights of intermittent sleep?
The deep crevasses lining my smile reveal
the lingering sadness that haunts me.

My tears wept in the stillness of my room
or behind a curtain drawn
temporarily cleanse my soul
so I can continue to convince myself that I have honed my expertise in acting
- deftly changing into the character needed for each role I play.

The silent tears are bittersweet
weeping like morning dew dripping from a still leaf
rolling softly off its palette without a sound
Both soothing yet filled with distress.

When I need and embrace for comfort
and those around me do not grasp the depth of my angst,
I cry silent tears.

When I feel alone on my turbulent sea
like a ship that cannot get to shore during a storm,
I cry silent tears. 

After many explanations and conversations still seldom understood,
I cry silent tears.

When the tears cease,
I, then, don my feigned smile and course through my day
with the same ball and chain heaviness on my heart
to help everyone else feel okay about me
while releasing them from the extra duty of helping me bear my load.  

When the day is done
as the sun fades to darkness,
I enter again into solitude to cry more silent tears.